When “In Sickness and in Health” Becomes Real

“In sickness and in health.”

Most of us have heard those words in wedding vows. We say them with love, hope, and every intention of standing beside the person we married.

But those words sound very different when sickness actually comes.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and this subject is personal for me. As a young adult, I watched my mother face breast cancer—not once, but twice. My father also battled colon cancer.

They were husband and wife, business owners, entrepreneurs, and parents raising five children. Life did not stop because cancer entered our family. There were still children to care for, businesses to run, bills to pay, decisions to make, appointments to keep, and a marriage that still had to exist in the middle of all of it.

Years later, I would experience illness from another perspective when my own husband suffered two strokes.

And I can tell you this: when illness enters a marriage, communication can change.

The Conversations Don't Always Look Like We Think They Will

This is where I want to keep it real.

A diagnosis does not automatically bring out perfect communication between two people.

Sometimes one spouse wants to talk and the other doesn't.

Sometimes you're both scared, but you're expressing it differently.

Sometimes somebody is trying so hard to “be strong” that they don't say what they're actually feeling.

And sometimes you're simply tired.

There are medical conversations, financial conversations, family conversations, decisions that have to be made, and questions neither person may know how to answer yet.

Meanwhile, you're still husband and wife.

That's the part I don't think we talk about enough.

We often hear about being supportive, staying positive, and being there for your spouse. And yes, all of that matters.

But real life can be a little messier than that.

Communication may get short.

Patience may get thin.

Roles may begin to change.

One person may feel overwhelmed while the other is trying to process what is happening to their own body.

Even strong marriages can find themselves navigating some rough communication terrain.

That doesn't automatically mean the marriage is failing.

It means two human beings are trying to adjust to something they did not plan for.

That's What We're Talking About This Month

For the month of October, I want to have an honest conversation about what “in sickness and in health” can really look like inside a marriage.

We'll talk about what happens when a diagnosis changes the conversation.

We'll talk about trying to manage everyday life while dealing with illness.

We'll talk about caregiving and what can happen when the roles between husband and wife begin to shift.

And we'll talk about how couples can protect the “us” when so much attention has to be given to the illness.

I'm not coming into this conversation pretending there is one perfect way to handle it.

There isn't.

I'm coming into it as a Relationship & Marriage Communication Coach, a daughter who watched both of her parents face cancer, and a wife who has had to navigate unexpected illness inside her own marriage.

I've seen enough real life to know that sometimes Talk. Listen. Connect.™ gets harder when life gets hard.

But that's also when we may need it most.

So this month, we're going to talk about the real side of living those vows—not perfectly, but honestly.

Because “in sickness and in health” isn't just something we say on the wedding day.

Sometimes, it becomes the life we have to learn how to live together.

— Coach Trinette L. Collier-Greene

Relationship & Marriage Communication Coach

TLC Coaching | Talk. Listen. Connect.™