Do You Still Know the Person You Married?
One of the beautiful things about being married for a while is familiarity.
You learn each other.
You know the routines. You know the facial expressions. You know when something is bothering your spouse before they even say it. You probably know what they're going to order at certain restaurants, what side of the bed they're sleeping on, and which story they're about to tell before they get halfway through it.
There is comfort in that kind of history.
But familiarity can also make us assume.
“I already know how he feels.”
“I know what she's going to say.”
“We've been married all these years. I know my spouse.”
And yes, you do.
But here's something I think we have to remember: the person you married has continued living, learning, growing, and changing since the day you said, “I do.”
So have you.
We Don't Stay Exactly the Same
Life changes us.
Experiences shape us. Responsibilities change. Children grow up. Careers shift. Parents get older. Health can change. Dreams that once felt important may not feel as important anymore, while something we never thought much about years ago may suddenly mean a great deal to us.
That's part of life.
And honestly, I think that's one of the reasons curiosity is so important in a long-term marriage.
We shouldn't stop asking questions simply because we've been together for years.
Your spouse may have a dream they haven't talked about lately.
They may be thinking differently about this next season of life.
Maybe something they once enjoyed doesn't interest them anymore.
Maybe they've discovered something new about themselves.
Maybe they're carrying something they haven't quite figured out how to put into words yet.
We don't have to assume.
We can ask.
And not like an interview either. HA!
Sometimes it's simply:
“What have you been thinking about lately?”
“Is there anything you want to do that we haven't talked about?”
“What are you looking forward to in this season?”
Or even:
“Is there anything about you that you think I haven't noticed lately?”
You might be surprised by where the conversation goes.
Stay Interested in Who Your Spouse Is Becoming
Marriage gives us history, and I love that.
You have stories together. Memories. Inside jokes. Hard seasons you've made it through. Things that only the two of you fully understand.
But your history together shouldn't keep you from being curious about who your spouse is today.
You don't have to rediscover your entire marriage in one conversation.
Just stay interested.
Listen when something sounds different.
Pay attention when your spouse talks about something that excites them.
Ask another question instead of assuming you already know the answer.
Because knowing someone for a long time and continuing to know them are not always the same thing.
So here's something simple to think about this week:
What is something about my spouse that I haven't asked about in a while?
Then ask.
No big assignment. No clipboard. No twenty-question relationship quiz waiting at the kitchen table when they get home. HA!
Just curiosity.
After all, one of the gifts of sharing a life with someone is not only knowing who they were when you married them.
You also get the opportunity to keep learning who they are becoming.
Talk. Listen. Connect.™
— Coach Trinette L. Collier-Greene
Relationship & Marriage Communication Coach
TLC Coaching | Talk. Listen. Connect.™
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